Separation Hurts

This Easter Sunday under quarantine has me thinking a lot. Fair warning, I am about to share some of my personal religious beliefs. I totally recognize that not everyone agrees with me and I respect the right of each individual to believe as they do. But, I think maybe some of you are feeling the way I am today and I want to share.

Most years, I spend weeks with my family preparing for and celebrating Easter.  We have a lot of traditions.  Many of them have come from the book Celebrating a Christ-Centered Easter by Emily Belle Freemen. Great book. I recommend it. But this year things are different. My family's schedule is busier than ever.  Lots of online meetings and classes, and I'm spending a lot more time cooking and cleaning.

And I feel lost in time.  Know what I mean?  I saw a meme today that says, 2020 is a unique Leap Year.  It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April.  Yup, sounds about right.  So Easter kinda snuck up on me.  And now, a month in to quarantine, I'm really feeling a desire to see some people beyond the ones I live with.

This morning, our church congregation's choir surprised our congregation with a virtual choir performance.  It was amazing.  I don't know how they pulled it off - I suspect it involved a lot of technical know-how and time.  Our choir is always amazing - not hyperbole, it's truly the best local church choir I've ever seen - but what they did today was just beyond.  My 16 year-old daughter was one of the singers.  I heard her recording her part last week in the bathroom with her cell phone.  I think most of the singers recorded themselves in a similar fashion.  I don't know how someone turned all that into this but they must be a wizard.  Just incredible.  

It really looked and sounded like our choir was all together and performing for us in person.  It was a feast for my hungry soul.  Tears rolled down my cheeks while I watched it.  All those people who I know and love and wish that I could be with.  Singing such beautiful, soothing words.  I realized then, just how hard it is to be separated from people.  Thank goodness I have my family here at home with me.  But it's not enough. It is painful to be separated from everyone else. I've gotten used to it and it won't kill me, but today I was reminded that it's not the way it's supposed to be, and it hurts. 

Then it occurred to me that I have long been separated from my Heavenly Father. I've gotten used to it, but it's not the way it's supposed to be, and it hurts. And that's what Easter is all about. Christ came, atoned for us and rose again so that all the separations could end - so that we could all be reunited with God and any other loved ones we have been separated from.  Today, I really get it.

If you didn't catch the link above go here to watch the virtual choir performance.  So good.  Happy Easter!

Making Sense of it All in the Time of Coronavirus

We are living in a period of history right now that will be studied and discussed for generations after us. I've been telling all the youth I know that they are the Anne Frank's of this generation. Someday people will want to understand what it was like to grow up during The Time of Coronavirus and they will turn to our children for that knowledge.  

It's too much to really grasp or make sense of. We don't even know exactly what it is we are experiencing. It's a very disorienting experience.

It started out a lot of talk and fears about a pandemic that might happen. Then we were told the pandemic was happening. A few big events were cancelled. Schools started closing, public libraries closed. We were told it would last a couple weeks. Church was cancelled. Then it was extended for a month.  Non-essential businesses were closed. Amazon stopped delivering everything in 2 days. Now the shutdown has been extended for another month. It's different depending on where in the world you live. My perspective and experience are pretty limited to my little corner of the world in the Seattle area. Some places have experienced earthquakes and other natural disasters on top of everything being shut down. We know this is not going to be a little short term blip. We are in it for the long haul. What does that mean? How long will it be?

Those on the front lines - healthcare workers, those who are ill, family of the ill and dying and the millions of families who have lost their income - are having an even more intense experience. I think most of us fear joining their ranks at some point. This thing is coming for us all. Our health, our economic well-being, or both, will be impacted.

We are living out the story and we have no idea yet how it will turn out. How will good overcome evil? Who will survive and who won't?  How will the world be different after the dust settles? When will this be over? What will our new normal be? So many questions. So many theories. So many unknowns.

And those of us who aren't on the front lines yet have this sense of dread and foreboding. We can feel that things have changed yet so much of our lives is still the same. Our health and economic well-being have yet to be impacted. Our families are fine. We are working, home schooling, making and eating meals, and watching a lot of Netflix. Nothing is really wrong. But we sense that something is terribly wrong. And suddenly we are crying. What is happening?!

This week I've struggled with depression. From talking to friends and family, I have the impression lots of people are in this place right now. We are not even sure what we are experiencing but we know it's going to go on for awhile. And it's bringing up a lot of emotion. We don't know how to make sense of it. If you are feeling this, you are not alone. It's normal for you to feel this way. It's hard. It's not fun.

There's so much we don't know right now. But here's something I do know: We were made for this. 

I believe we are all here on earth at this time and in the place we are at for a reason. I believe we each have work to do and a unique way to make the world a better place. Some call this contribution and purpose a personal mission. I think everyone has one. And apparently, we were supposed to prepare for and/or fulfill our personal missions in The Time of Coronavirus.

So rather than wondering about all the unknowns, I'm trying to remind myself I was made for this. I've got what it takes to prepare for and fulfill my personal mission in life. While the world looks very different than I imagined it would and I have no idea when things will stabilize, I know this is how it was supposed to be.

I've heard this advice from numerous sources I trust and I'm trying to follow it;
Focus on the here and now.  
Do what needs doing right now. 
Watch for opportunities to prepare for or fulfill your personal mission, right now. 

Feeding a Family in The Time of Coronavirus

My son and I both struggle with asthma which places us both in the "underlying health conditions " category of people that need to be extra careful not to get coronavirus.  So we are really staying away from people and public spaces.  At this point our entire country is being strongly encouraged to do the same.  My family is even staying away from grocery stores as much as possible.

Thanks to all the food storage we have been purchasing and using for a few years now, it is not hard for us to stay away from the grocery store.  For years now, I have been a regular customer of Thrive Life.  I've had a shipment of freeze dried meat, vegetables, fruits, grains, or legumes come automatically, every month.  It's high quality food that I have been using in my regular meal prep for years.  So now that I need to rely on it, it's no big deal.  My family hasn't even noticed the change.

For recipes that require meat or vegetables, I just substitute the freeze dried version and add a little more liquid.  All the meals we've made with our freeze dried food have been delicious.  No one here is suffering and they haven't even noticed.

I find some big advantages to using Thrive Life freeze dried foods.  Here's where I begin promoting them.  Not trying to hide that.  But my motivation is to help people.  I truly find these products helpful and I think you might too. I am technically a consultant with this company and if you want to, you can order things from my consultant website but that is not why I'm sharing this today. You can also talk to your friend who is a consultant or just go to www.thrivelife.com. If you want to get on monthly deliveries, which I recommend, go here.

Here are the things I love about Thrive Life foods

1. High quality, pesticide free.  Tasty and healthy.
2. No washing, peeling, defrosting, chopping or other prepping. 
3. Super-fast to cook with.  Last minute meal prep is the standard. And I don't need to devote hours to meal prep, just a few minutes.
4. Even if I can't get to the store, like now, I can cook with meat and vegetables.  We aren't limited to rice and beans.  (Although we're big fans of rice and beans here).
5. IMHO freeze dried foods and Instant Pots were made for each other.  The steam of the Instant Pot ensures that the food is fully rehydrated.  When I cook in the Instant Pot, every last corner of the food is fully hydrated.  My family is picky.  They wouldn't eat it, if it wasn't good.  The Instant Pot is a miracle all on it's own.  It cooks food so fast!  It makes food delicious!  Put freeze dried food in it and it goes even faster with equally tasty results.  It just couldn't be faster or easier to cook dinner. 

Here is a recipe I adapted with help from my Thrive Life consultant, Debbie Abbot.  I hope this gives you an idea of how to adapt some of your favorite recipes so you can use freeze dried foods with an Instant Pot to make amazing food with food storage.

Dairy-Free Instant Pot “Butter” Chicken
(using freeze dried ingredients)

You can substitute butter and cream for the coconut oil and coconut cream but this recipe really is so good as written. And coconut products are more food-storage friendly. This recipe serves 6-8 people. If your family is small, you could halve this recipe but the leftovers are really good. I say just make it all and get two or more meals out of it!

1. Combine in the IP

• 3 cups tomato dices (freeze-dried or canned)
• 3cups chicken (freeze-dried)
• ½ t ginger powder
• 2 t turmeric
• 1 t cayenne pepper
• 2 t smoked paprika
• 2 t salt
• 2 t garam masala seasoning
• 2 t cumin
• 4 ½ c water (or chicken broth)

2. Put in an Instant Pot Steamer insert like this one (I divide these ingredients between the two parts of the insert. You could also make the rice separately on the stove or in a rice cooker.)

• 4 c rice
• 6 c water or chicken broth
• 2 t salt (if using water)
• 2 T coconut oil (if using water)

3. Set the IP steamer insert in the IP on top of all the other ingredients. Close the IP valve and turn the IP on manual for 15 minutes (It would probably work in as little as 8 minutes but I’m not usually in THAT big a rush and to ensure the rice is totally cooked, I do 15 minutes.

When the IP is done cooking, open the valve for a quick release of the pressure. When the pressure has completely released, remove the IP lid, using an oven mit, lift out the IP steamer insert and check that rice is perfectly steamed. If you have forgotten to put the sealing ring in or something (who would do that?! oh wait, me 😝) and found that things weren’t done cooking, just fix the problem, put the insert back in, put the IP lid back on and set it on manual for another 5-10 minutes. Once the rice is done, the chicken will definitely be done. Take out the IP steamer insert. Stir in the following until all combined.

• 2 t garam masala seasoning
• ½ c freeze-dried cilantro or ¼ c typical dried cilantro
• 1 c coconut oil
• 1 c coconut cream
• Serve the chicken over the rice. Enjoy!

I hope that inspires you to try cooking with freeze-dried foods and maybe even adapt some of your favorite recipes.  Really, all you do is forget all the prep time and add liquid.

If you haven't already,  I highly recommend that you sign up for monthly deliveries from Thrive.  So worth it!  Because this food is useful all the time, not just in a time of crisis, it makes sense to me to buy it regularly.  And then, when there is a crisis, you have more than enough to see you through it and you know how to use it - it really isn't complicated.  I don't know about you but I'm getting the impression this pandemic is going to drag on for awhile and I suspect, even when it is past, we will see more disruptions to life as we knew it.   I think we are finding a new normal.

If you are interested in the business opportunity (which I hear is going quite well right now) talk to my consultant, Debbie Abbott.  

1 Million Pages Goal

Any of you out there struggling with the not knowing how long this isolation and interruption of normal life will last?  My family definitely is.

There are lots of ways we are coping with this.  We all need things to do and things to look forward to.  An opportunity came up for us at the end of the week.  My twins are in an online class with our homeschool co-op and this week in class, the students made a goal to collectively read 1 million pages in the next 8 weeks.  There are about 10 students in the class.  Do the math.  That's probably not possible for 10 middle-grade students (or any 10 people) to do in 8 weeks.  Recognizing this, but not wanting to discourage this reading enthusiasm, the teacher decided to invite all the families of LEAF to participate along with these students and contribute to their goal.  Between all of us (There are nearly 100 of us), we have a chance of pulling it off.  Especially since we all have so much time to read.

It's exciting to have a big goal to work on now!  And getting lost in stories is such a healthy escape from all the anxiety of the moment.  Working on this big goal together will help us all become better readers, help us feel connected to each other, give us something to think about besides the current crisis, give us all something worthwhile to do, and ultimately, it will be fun!

Is there a big goal you've thought about doing but not found the time for yet?  This is the time!  Nothing is too big to consider.  Obviously there are some limits related to the current crisis (probably not the time to tour all 50 states) but there is sooooo much we can do right now.  What will you do with this opportunity?

Token System

Let me just preface this post with the following.  I'm about to share some really detailed, specific information.  This is not for everyone.  I definitely don't think everyone needs or wants this.  But for some of you it might be really, really helpful.  I have found it so.  That's why I'm sharing it.

My son is on the high functioning end of the Autism Spectrum, has severe ADHD, and has learning disabilities.  His twin sister has pretty severe ADHD and learning disabilities.  Parenting and teaching these kids is not easy.  Let's be honest, parenting and teaching any child is not easy.  Period.  Several of my kids therapists have recommended a token system to help things go better.  My family has really benefited from using a token system.  It is a scientific, research-based method for helping kids gain skills and change their behavior.

I am not a professional. I'm probably making all kinds of mistakes.  Even so, this is really working for us. I am going to share how my family uses a Token System in hopes that maybe someone else could benefit from it too.

Ultimately a token system is pretty simple. You need 3 things.

1. A list of behaviors you want to see from your kids. When they do these things, they earn tokens.
2. A list of privileges and stuff kids can spend their tokens on.
3.  Tokens. Some students, especially older students will benefit from a virtual points system and don't require physical tokens but younger students and especially those with neuro-atypical brains will do best using concrete, physical tokens.


List of Desired Behaviors
Here's my list.  Yours will be different.

• Take a shower
• Comb or refresh your hair
• Lotion your arms and legs
• Wipe clean the bathroom toilet and floor
• Clean the bathroom mirror, sink, and counter
• Clean your bedroom
• Take your supplements 
• Take your medication
• Go around the house and pick up all your stuff
• Help make breakfast
• Sit at the table for the entire meal
• Keep your hands and feet to yourself for the entire meal
• Come to school time when called, without any toys
• Do a meditation
• Write a school plan for the day
• Complete your school plan for the day
• Practice violin or viola
• Practice dance
• Help make lunch
• Do a chore
• Get pajamas on
• Brush your teeth
• Participate in SSR

All these things earn tokens for my twins at our house. But they don't get tokens for all the same things. Sitting still at meals is hard for one of them. That child earns tokens when they do it, but not the other child. One of them struggles not to leave a trail of possessions around the house. That child earns tokens when they pick up all their stuff, but not the other child. Most things on the list earn 1 token but some things that are extra difficult and/or are things I want to promote especially, earn 2 or 3 tokens.

When first introducing a token system, it might work better to keep the list of desired behaviors small - like 5 things.  It would be ideal for kids to be maxing out the list and asking for more ways to earn tokens. Sometimes it's hard to think small. Think of one behavior you'd really like to see. Imagine how awesome it would be see that one thing change. You're more likely to see it change if you don't put it on a list with 30 other behaviors.

It's also critical that you focus on behavior you want, not on behavior you don't want. Otherwise you will be promoting what you don't want. If I say don't think of a pink banana, what do you think of? Difficult to think of anything else and so you fail. If however I say, think of a purple frog, you can do that, right?  At meal times, one of my children tends to touch, kick, hit, and bug others at the table.  So we ask that child to keep their hands and feet to themselves rather than focusing on what we don't want them to do.

For the record, I haven't figured any of this stuff out myself. It was all taught to me by my kids therapists.

List of Privileges and Stuff to Earn
It is important all privileges (things you would not consider fundamental needs) be earned.  If it's only nice-to-haves that they must earn, most kids won't be motivated to earn them.  A good way to differentiate between fundamental needs and wants is to ask, will I go crazy if they don't earn X?  At our house, trampoline time is a fundamental need.

Kids should spend the majority of their tokens every day on stuff they really want.  They can save a small portion for a bigger item if they want to.

These are things my kids can spend their tokens on

• 1 playmobil piece or lego piece from a set (they earn 1 piece of a set at a time, in the order the pieces are listed/shown in the instructions)
• Watch an episode of educational TV
• Watch an episode of TV
• Look on amazon (for stuff they want to earn) with Mom or Dad for 5 min.
• Watch a YouTube video with Mom or Dad
• Ride bike outside
• Use of shuffle/mP3 player for the day
• Use of kindle for the day
• Watch a movie
• Purchase a TV episode on amazon
• Rent a movie on amazon
• Purchase an audiobook
• Buy a toy, lego set, or playmobil set
• Buy a new kindle
• Go on a big outing (not really an option rightnow)

At our house a token is equal to $0.10.  So if a child wants to earn a $10 toy, they need 100 tokens. The cost of various privileges ranges from 1 token to upwards of 1000 tokens.  I try to make sure there are many things in the 1-10 token range for them to spend on.  My kids are likely to earn 20 tokens a day though they could earn like 40 if they really went for it.

Tokens
Here's what I use.  $13.99 for 900 bingo chips on amazon.  Anything small and light weight could work.  You could make your own.

Redeeming Tokens
I was surprised by how much time and energy goes into this part of the system.  I have not discussed this part so much with therapists, just figured out what would work for us.  I might be doing it all wrong. I'm ok with that.  My kids are not allowed to redeem tokens until after we finish chore time each day.  It can be difficult to keep track of what they have earned. My brain is pretty full already.

So, at various points in the day (basically after we finish one of our mini routines like breakfast, school time, chore time etc.), I make tally marks on a paper for each child to keep track of tokens they have earned.  Then, after chore time, I hand out all the tokens.

Tokens are truly money at our house and my kids struggle with impulse control so I keep tokens with me, safely in sight but out of reach of kids, or locked up, all the time.  Yes, it's a pain.  But it's worth it.  

Break it Down
When I first gave my kids the big list of ways to earn tokens, they were totally overwhelmed and not even a little bit motivated to do it.  They also both struggle with what is called executive function.  They need help breaking big tasks down and planning how to complete them.

So I broke our day up into several mini-routines and typed up all the things they should do for that mini-routine.  All the things earn them tokens.  We started with just one mini-routine - the morning, pre-breakfast routine.  I gave them each a laminated print out of the routine and asked them to come to me as they completed things on the list so I could mark it off.  Once the morning routine was a habit we added the next mini-routine.  We now have routines for Morning, Breakfast, School Time, Lunch Time, Chore Time, Afternoon, Evening, and Bedtime.  No we don't do it all, probably ever, and we sometimes don't do any of it.  But most of the time, we do most of it, and we are all happier.

Here's an example of a mini-routine.  This is my kids morning routine and they can earn tokens for all of it.

• Shower
• Lotion Arms and Legs
• Get dressed
• Comb or refresh hair
• Brush teeth
• Make bed
• Clean room
• Bathroom chores
• Personal laundry
• Come to the table for breakfast

I think we started with just Shower, Make bed, and Come to the table for breakfast.  I can't say it enough.  Start small.  Just a couple things.  Make it routine.  Build from there.

Give it Time
It has taken us months to get our system working smoothly and we continue to refine/update/change it as we go.  If it's not working, simplify.  

Social Connection amidst Social Distancing

Any extroverts out there withering amidst all this social distancing?  My extroverted children are feeling it. Anyone else had a painful conversation with your kids about why they can't join the neighborhood party that seems to be going on outside your door?  One of the most difficult things about this crisis is that we can't socialize as we normally do.  Social connection is one of the most effective ways to cope with stress and anxiety.

If you remain unconvinced of the reasons for all this extreme social distancing, please look at these simulations https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2020/world/corona-simulator/

There are ways we all can connect while abiding by social distancing practices.  Here are some things that are working for my family It's more important than ever that we connect socially.  I hope you'll try some of these ideas.

Cousin Bookclub
My siblings and I have organized 3 bookclubs for our kids ranging in age from 3 - 16.  We have been using a free zoom room with the breakout rooms feature.  The kids all start in the same room (CHAOS!) and then we break them into three separate rooms.  Our first meeting, the kids all brought a book they have read or are reading to share with the others.  They each gave a "book commercial" to share why they like the book and why their cousins might want to read it, without any spoilers.  Then they talked.  The oldest kids spent most of their time sharing books and decided they all want to read and discuss The Girl Who Could Fly at their next meeting.  This book is appropriate for middle grade students too so many of the middle kids are planning to read or listen to it and they might discuss it too but they were most excited to see each other and talk.  The littles needed help from their moms but loved it.  I know all the cousins are looking forward to next week's meeting.  Google hangouts could work for this too.

Online classes
Our homeschool co-op has moved all our classes online.   The upper elementary, middle school, and high school students all have at least one online class option.  These classes are helping our kids stay connected to their friends and teachers.
 
Family Time
My family has the benefit of living with 5 people under one roof.  These are the only people we are allowing ourselves to have physical contact with.  I'm encouraging more of it.  More hugs, sitting closer to each other while reading or watching a movie, holding hands while taking family walks, jumping on the trampoline together, etc.  Many of us are starved for physical contact.

I would encourage those who live alone to find another person or small family to spend physical time with often.  If you both agree not to interact physically with anyone else,  the risk is low and for those who live a lone, total isolation could be life threatening, from a mental health perspective.  I would not encourage two families to get together.  I would not encourage a large family to invite anyone over.  But those who live alone need a "family" they can be with physically.

Family meals, family movie time, family walks etc. are all extra important right now.  Is your family doing some things together every day, on purpose?  If not, consider adding one regular family activity to your daily routine. 


Phone Calls/Video Calls
I know it's old fashioned technology, but for decades, this was the only way friends and loved ones who lived far from each other could stay in touch.  A phone call with a good friend really is so good.  Try it.

The modern version is facetime.

Marco Polo
I was slow to adopt this one but my sisters convinced me.  Once I got over seeing myself on the screen, I really came to love Marco Polo.  It has enabled me and my 3 sisters to have an ongoing conversation for over a year.  It isn't live.  Each person in the conversation records themselves talking to the group - this little recording is called a polo.  Then everyone else in the conversation can watch the polo at their convenience.  Sometimes I watch polos with a headset late at night or early in the morning without bothering anyone around me.  When it is convenient, those who want to respond, can do so.  Everyone in the conversation watches the polos and responds at their convenience.  My sisters and I are all Moms. Our "free" moments are fleeting and unpredictable.  There's no way I would be so in touch with them if it weren't for Marco Polo. 

Group Text Chats 
This was another one I was slow to adopt.  I believe there are several apps for this.  I have been using What's App.  It makes group texting so much easier to follow and participate in.  I really don't like group texts.  But I'm a fan of What's App chats.  Great for keeping in touch with various groups of friends and family.


Emailing
Another old fashioned technology.  Did you know it could be used for more than promotional junk mail?!  Have your kids ever sent an email?  Now is the time to teach them how.  I consider typing an email school work for my kids as long as it's not a string of emojis. 



Conversation Across the Street
 As we were coming home from our family walk yesterday, we had a lovely conversation with neighbors across the street.  We both stayed on our own sides of the street and spoke a little louder.  It was nice to see and hear some human beings outside of our own family.

Books
John Adams famously wrote, "You will never be alone with a poet in your pocket."  I do love poetry but I also consider many of my favorite characters from books friends.  Reading is a great escape and really can take you beyond your own four walls with zero risk of spreading or catching coronavirus.  Me and mine have been reading a lot lately.  It's so nice to forget about real life for a little while each day and I know of no better way to do it than getting lost in a story.  Each of us experiences books differently.  Some will be more immersed by listening to a book while some, like me, need to see the words on the page themselves for full immersion.  Let me know if you need a book recommendation, I might have a few hundred to recommend...

This is just the things my family has tried.  I know there are lots of additional ideas out there.  What is working for you?

Read Aloud and SSR

How is your homeschool going?  I know I shared A LOT of detailed information in my earlier post on emergency homeschooling and I stand by it but it was meant to be a menu of options, not a checklist and I fear many people are struggling with overwhelm right now.

I want to focus on two very simple things you can do to make your homeschooling incredible.  SO MUCH research backing this up.  This is not just my opinion.  It is proven fact.  Focus JUST on these two things and your homeschool will accomplish more than any other school ever has.  Truly.

1.  Read Aloud
2.  SSR/DEAR

Read Aloud
If you want convincing, read The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease.  5 minutes of Read Aloud counts and will make a difference.  If you are a working parent and all you can manage is 5 minutes, don't despair, it counts.  It will make a significant difference.


Audio Books Count
This is the easiest way to do read aloud.  Play audiobooks on a kindle, phone, tablet, amazon Alexa, whatever and let the kids play with legos, playmobil, puzzles, coloring, drawing, painting, etc. while they listen.  Be really flexible.  Keep trying out ways to make this work until you figure out the best way for your family.  My kids do best with individual kindles and headsets so they can each listen to what they want.  But our family enjoys sharing a book too, especially in the car.


SSR
SSR stands for Sustained Silent Reading.  Another variation is DEAR or Drop Everything and Read.  The research is stunning.  Failing schools have been turned around in months, student scores have soared, the summer slump has been overcome, all due to SSR.  15 minutes/day is all it takes. But most people will want to keep going.

Read The Read Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease and The Book Whisperer by Donalyn Miller for convincing.

The keys are:
1. EVERYONE in the home/family/space you are in does it.
2. Each person CHOOSES what they want to read.  No assigned content.
3. Make it SHORT like 15-20 minutes.  Then if anyone wants to continue, they can but DON'T require it.  Let people fall in love with reading.

Seriously,  just focus on Read Aloud and SSR and you will be stunned by the results.